Hubby has gone to day program 4 times now over 3 weeks. First time understandingly not smooth. 2 and 3 times ok, last time a few days ago not so good. Once we pulled in and he realized where we were he said “oh lord”. I said “don’t you want to go help the ladies out again today?"
He said I guess I can. Once inside it was very difficult for me to leave. He knows I’m going to leave him there and said “I’m not staying today”.
It took 15 minutes or more but help was able to distract him so I could leave. Besides having a melt down in car at the thought of leaving him upset, not sure how to handle going back.
It took an hour but he settled down and was ok when I picked him up 3 hours later (thought he would be so mad at me).
Any suggestions on how to make this smoother going forward? The advice I have been given is to not tell him in advance that we are going or certainly don’t ask him if he wants to go. But he is aware of that I “spring” this on him every time and never ask him.
It's a little like caring for my children when they were toddlers. I would tell them that I had to work how to buy delta mattress and they were going to ________ until I was done. Yes, there were some tantrums, but eventually it became the norm. I remember wise moms telling me not to ask yes/no questions but to ask questions with multiple choices that I was OK with. Example: "do you want orange juice or apple juice or water with your breakfast?" No to ask "do you want to eat _____ or have breakfast?" - especially when I knew they were hungry and needed to eat at that time. Treat this adult day program as what it is - a needed resource to help both of you with his needs.
In my opinion 4x in 3 weeks is not enough. That averages 1x a week. Not enough time to get him used to the routine. I sent Mom 3x a week. Monday, Wed and Friday. Except for the first time she was bussed by the Daycare to and from. Yes, cost was $85 a day. I did with my Mom what I did with my kids. I walked Mom in and allowed the aide to take over. Then I walked out. My DH was the problem. He had to stand and watch to make sure she was OK. He did this with our kids too.